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Thursday, 21 July 2016

Holding The Hand Of My Inner Child

A Moment Of Rest

I have not been updating my Sun Goddess Tarot blog for a long while.  It had been almost 8 months.  I needed a moment of rest.  That moment lasted longer than I thought, and it was a period when I seemed to be in conflict with myself.

Reading For The Right Clients

I was always excited about meeting new clients, doing readings anytime and anywhere.  Yet, I grew increasingly exhausted and started making excuses for taking long breaks from readings. It reminded me of the time when I was very young and was forced to complete my homework before I could go out to play with my friends.  Some of my client appointments started to become a chore.

I proceeded to cut down on my list of client appointments, and was discerning about whom I wanted to read for, and what type of readings I wanted to do.   I was no longer interested in doing readings on a fly, or for clients who just wanted to have a casual read about issues that had little or no material impact on their lives.  By the same reason, I was not interested in reading at events like hen parties, birthdays and themed corporate dinners where more often than not, the questions that I got seemed so frivolous that I felt I was not adding much value to the client.   Questions that come from clients in such circumstances could border on topics like winning the next show-jumping championships or dumping a boyfriend who was not making enough money.  I remembered a question that I got at one of these events was, “Would my boss eventually leave his wife for me?”  I really had enough.  If I was not adding value to my clients, it was not exciting for me anymore.  It was very clear to me, months down the road, that if I had an intuitive gift, it was meant to serve a more meaningful purpose.    

Playing With The Fun People

I started to crave for my own space even more.  It was not about needing to be alone. It was more about needing my space to do what I wanted to do on my own terms.  I just wanted to have a little more fun with whatever time I had, with whomever I chose.   I was not anti-social.   I did enjoy social gatherings, I looked for every opportunity to have some fun, from impromptu travel, to casual dinner and drinks sessions and even organizing relaxing off-site meetings with my team so that we got a chance to bond over meals and road trips.  

Writing The Fun Stuff

It was a period when I could not write a single post for my Sun Goddess Tarot blog.  Yet, I was happily updating my personal blog with fun observations about my personal life, writing reviews  within my food blog as I ate up a storm across the nation and happily posted pictures and updates multiple times a day across my social media platforms.

Learning What I Wanted To Learn

It was a period when I could not pick up a book to read about any metaphysical subjects.  I used to voraciously devour every knowledge that could support my growth and development as a Tarot Reader, Numerologist and Astrologer through books and courses.  However, I could not bear to read anything complex and theoretical.  I had purchased a few books on Soul Mapping, Psychic Development and Clairvoyance but they had been sitting on the shelf gathering dust for over a year. However, I would sit for hours listening to my mentor, talking about her experiences, telling me stories about her own personal journey as she honed her intuitive skills.  I was fascinated with the blog posts of my friends from all over the world who were professional Tarot Readers, Numerologists, Astrologers, Psychics, and Mediums. They shared snippets of their experiences, their views of the world, and provided opinions about any subject that touched their hearts.  I even had a lot of fun conversations with them over Facebook or Instagram and felt that I was learning more than I could have ever picked up from any books or formal courses.

Playing On My Own

Increasingly, I wanted to take off on my own to do quirky stuff. I enjoyed taking photographs of wall reliefs and intricate carvings of roof tops at old buildings.  I would never have even noticed them in the past.  I enjoyed walking barefoot across the manicured lawn in front of the Victoria Concert Hall.   And while others would make “Snow Angels” during winter by lying in the snow, I made “Grass Angels” by lying on the grass.  In the past, I would have been worried about getting grass stains on my skirt or pick up some bacteria from the dirt that will get onto my feet.   

In short, this strange behavior outlined above seemed to be like that of a child crying out for help and attention.

Rationalizing My Internal Conflict

Being a rational being that was typical of my Lifepath number 7, I analyzed and explained this strange behavior by labelling it simply as grief.  I felt I was grieving for my Dad who had passed on last year and this internal conflict I was going through, was my way of manifesting grief.  Over the months, I realized that this proved to be partly true.  However, it took me a while to realize that there was something that went beyond the grief, and I set out to find out what it was.  I knew deep within my heart that this even darker cause of my internal conflict could destroy me and my efforts in serving my purpose over the long term if I did not manage it.  At the same time, I knew that if I learnt more about it, and harnessed it better, it could support my goals in the way that my higher self was guiding me to do so.

 I had discovered over the next few months that the strange behavior, and the grief I felt were actually just symptomatic of a deeper, and darker cause. 

Stepping Into A Journey Of Self-Discovery

With the first few steps taken rather uneasily, like a toddler, I began a journey of self-discovery with my mentor Alixe K.Tracey.  I started the journey as part of her course called Freedom Party which saw me releasing aspects of myself that did not serve me positively.   I went through fear, anger, tears, pain, and then release as I learnt to acknowledge these negative emotions, treated them with compassion and then let them all go.  Within the last few months, I confronted my fear of lack of control, my fear of lack of approval, and my fear of lack of security.  These fears had a debilitating impact on my relationships at home, at work and with my business.

 I needed to always be in control, and disliked any form of change.  When changes happened at work, I was thrown into a tailspin of defensive behavior in a bid to protect my turf.  This explained why I was so angry when my boss had decided to transfer a few staff from my team out to another department as part of an exercise to restructure the organization. I was so upset when my son went against my wishes to date a girl I did not approve of.  I was disappointed when my husband took on some projects on pro-bono basis at a time when what the family needed most was money.  These circumstances that grated on me, became a stage at which I played out my fears of lack of control, approval and security.

Recalibrating My Body, Mind And Spirit

My body, mind and spirit then went through a period of recalibration, as I dug even deeper to reconnect with my higher self. I was determined to get to the “cause” of the issue.   There were dark corners that I had to come face to face with but instead of running away like I used to do, I acknowledged it, honor it and found that the person hiding within these dark corners, was my inner child. 


Searching For My Inner Child

I searched for the first memory of my inner child when she experienced her fears of lack of control, approval and security.   I saw her as an 8 year old, seated at the dining table with her Chinese language tutor, learning how to write some Chinese words.  Suddenly, a gang of men barged into our home and declared, “We are from the Internal Security Department and we have a warrant to search your house.”  My Mom protested, telling them to wait for Dad to get home first.  A leader of that gang of men said, “Don’t worry.  Your husband is coming. He’s in the next car.”  True enough, Dad and yet another gang of men came through the door.  Dad’s face was ash-white and he seemed to have aged overnight.  I gasped suddenly when I spotted that Dad was led into the house in handcuffs and proceeded to dash across to him to want to save him.  However, one of the men pulled me roughly aside, not allowing me to be with Dad. 

Amidst the flurry of activities and with my Mom sobbing at the side, I learnt that my Dad was going to be detained without trial under the Internal Security Act for alternative political views that were deemed “subversive”.   Over the next few months, the situation escalated with my family being dragged through national press.  I was labelled the daughter of a “political dissident” who could be dangerous to the establishment’s nation-building efforts. This 8 year old was quoted in the press, as having said, “Daddy is so naughty”.  I would not have remembered that, let alone understood what being a political dissident was.  Mom and I visited Dad at the Detention Centre every week, communicating with him through a telephone with a glass window separating us.   Friends at school pointed fingers at me, whispering at each other.  Mom held my hand and took me to Dad’s company to meet his boss, appealing to his sense of compassion to allow Dad’s salary to continue to be paid into the bank account so that she could feed the both of us. 

I felt anger.  I could not do anything to help the family.  I could not save Dad.  My Dad was forcibly taken from me. My Mom had to find ways to feed us both.  I wanted to be a normal 8 year old who enjoyed school, friends and everything an 8 year old would do.  However I was judged by the perceptions of others whom did not even know my Dad, Mom and I.

That had sown the seed of my fears of lack of control, approval and security and I grew up always needing to be in control of everything.  I needed to get validation for everything I did.  I felt so insecure that I had to hide behind a passive-aggressive exterior, trying to be emotionally detached to everything around me.  I even despised any outward display of love and affection which I had considered a weakness.  My heart chakra was partially closed, as I struggled to love and accept love.  My throat chakra was partially closed, as I struggled to express my true feelings.

My favourite picture of Dad and I at my birthday party.  I was always the apple in my father's eye and we always had such a special bond. This picture has a lot of happy energy and was the basis of the intuitive painting which Rozanne did.

The Transformation

When I finally confronted my inner child, cowering in the dark, alone, afraid, angry and sad, Alixe and I set out to support her with a lot of prayers and meditation which helped to cleanse the chakras and release the pain she felt.   Alixe put a specialized program together to help me as I identified the real cause of all the negative emotions that were triggered by any situation no matter how big or small.   I learnt to communicate with my inner child, to find out what she needed, how I could help her, and what thoughts and emotions were coursing through her.

I learnt to open my heart chakra a lot more, so that I could, with compassion, acknowledgd all the fears, let them come up, understand where they had come from, and then offered them up to the divine light, to be eventually dissolved.   From time to time, my ego would grip tightly to the feelings of fear because it was, in a way, a comfort zone.  However, as I was committed to healing my inner child and listening to her with compassion, my ego never got a chance to win in this struggle.  In the end, I knew that my inner child just needed to be embraced with a little more compassion than I was prepared to offer in the past.

This had helped me so much that at every juncture, when I am aware a situation had triggered a feeling of fear, I went back to talk to my inner child and assured her that I would always be beside her.

A picture of me at my Kindergarten graduation.

Honoring My Inner Child

One day, I spotted a  beautiful painting posted on Facebook  by one of my friends, Rozanne Henry.  It was a painting of herself and it seemed to have exuded a sense of creative personal power reclaimed after having been through a period of healing herself.  Rozanne  is an Intuitive Artist who created paintings from intuitively channeled guidance.    I was guided immediately to commission her to do a painting of my inner child as my way of honoring the 8 year old me, and giving her a special place of her own in my home.  I shared my story with her and explained what I wanted to achieve.   Having received a photograph of Dad and I, Rozanne was able to draw upon that energy within the photograph to connect with what had happened when I was a child and she was able to communicate the messages that Dad wanted me to receive as she drew the 8 year old me.   Rozanne worked on it throughout the week, supporting that piece of artwork with lots of meditation and prayers.  Through that painting, she created a bridge between Dad and I where I could feel him put his arms around me, to cradle me with a lot of love and assurance.  I will share snippets of what my Dad’s messages were, throughout Rozanne’s work on this painting.

He said, “Go and be free.  Free to be happy. Release yourself.  I am here always for you no matter what. 

Trust in yourself.  You are doing well.  You are going to be free. 

Just trust. I am guiding you.   

Pray more. 

Stay close. 


I am so proud of you.  Be free to be yourself.  To be whom you were meant to be. 

Go and find your truth.  It will save you. 

Don’t be afraid. 

We will always support you.”

She was guided to draw my inner child with her legs tucked to the side as she sat on the ground, and her arms outreached as if in the act of receiving.  She was also guided to draw 3 doves flying towards my inner child.  That, was for me, an affirmation that Dad was sending me love, peace and healing.  At the same time, I saw clearly that within these gifts, he was also opening my heart and mind to my own gifts to heal others. 

I felt that that was Dad’s way of endorsing my taking Sun Goddess Tarot to the next level of where it ought to be, and that is to use my intuitive skills to be a healing coach for others as Alixe was with me.   No wonder, the last few months had seen me choosing my clients, reading only for those whom I thought I could genuinely add value to. Coincidentally, I have also noticed that the clients that got blown my way were highly intuitive souls, who had their respective inner child issues that created blocks along their own paths.

This is a print of Rozanne's painting of my inner child set against the automatic writing she did with the channeling. The exact painting on canvas is now sitting beside my Dad's photo on top of my piano at home.

Holding The Hand Of My Inner Child

The painting now takes pride of place on top of a piano my parents had given me when I was 3 years old.  It sits right beside a photo of my Dad.    I am very grateful I can finally move on, and genuinely feel that I have been healed and the past cords of negativity had been cut.  With the healing process over the past few months, I have become even more spiritually aware.  I became more sensitive to everything around me.  My intuition seemed sharpened to the point that I realized I was indeed reading more with my clairsentient skills.  This inner child work we did, taught me to open my heart chakra more so that I could listen with more compassion.  It taught me to open my throat chakra more so that I could fully express myself and my creativity.  It taught me to have courage to open my wounds, so that I could allow healing light to enter. 

I was now ready to hold the hand of my inner child and ride the stars with her, onward and upward. 


About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and a tarot card reader by accident. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a Tarot consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot,  which provides confidential intuitive readings combining the metaphysical disciplines of Tarot, Numerology and Astrology via face to face and emails as well as readings at corporate and private events and workshops.  A member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), she also mentors Tarot  protégés and actively coaches fellow intuitives who are in the midst of honing their psychic development whilst managing a full time job.









Monday, 28 December 2015

Get Set To Declutter In 2016

Many at this time, are contemplating what to expect in the new year. Some who had been through a rough ride in the past year are hoping for a better year ahead.  Some who had experienced a productive year in 2015 are hoping that their luck would never run out.  However, I do not believe in luck and as a spiritualist, my beliefs are that you are a master of your own destiny because you can shape your own outcomes by the decisions you make and the perspectives you hold.

So what's in store for 2016? What are your aspirations for the coming new year and how are you empowering them?   Numerology is just one of the metaphysical modalities that can help guide one's decisions made throughout the year by harnessing the numerological energies of that year.  In 2015 the year was governed by the number 8 in numerology.  You can determine the year's numerological energy by adding the digits of the year.  So in 2015,  by adding each number of the year,  2+0+1+5, you will get the number 8.  

Looking Back At 2015

For many who had harnessed the energy of the number 8 well in 2015, it was a year of executive power, ambition, opportunities, and abundance, particularly when you were able to harness the right resources to create your own opportunities.  If you had experienced  a busier year with your business or at work, an expanded role within the same job, or you had left your current job for a bigger and better one, that's just some of the hallmarks of how the 8 energy is supporting you in e last year. The 8 energy might have inspired you to make astute financial plans and leverage the  right financial opportunities. The number fanned the flames of bold decision-making based on good judgement, confidence and the determination to attain your goals.  Finally, the number 8 would force you to leave all negative aspects of your past so that you could be ready to tread on a journey of self -discovery, embrace new growth and approach every challenge with a can-do attitude.  

2015 Tarot Year Card - Strength

In tandem with the numerological 8 influence, the Tarot year card for 2015 was the Strength card, which is the 8th card in the Major Arcana of the Tarot deck.  Strength in Tarot was an important reminder to us of the power of human will, determination and the tenacity of the inner spirit.  If you had  harnessed the traits of this card as you managed the year 2015,  you would have been able to better deal with challenges and attain your goals through  the more effective use of soft persuasion instead of  brute force and aggressive confrontation.

Looking Forward To 2016

So what then is the numerological energy that will impact 2016?  2016 is governed numerologically by the number 9.  With 9 being the final number in the 9-year cycle in numerology, the number represents a culmination of all your hard work put into attaining your goals, your experiences and skills cultivated throughout all these years, the lessons you had picked up along the way, the knowledge gained, and the wisdom attained.  

Whatever you had worked hard to achieve, and all the loose ends of any long-drawn project that you had been working on will need to be completed in this year.  Everything that you needed to do on your priority list, must be done.

Being a year of completion, it is the year you let go of whatever does not serve your higher purpose. If you had been in toxic relationships or unhappy jobs hanging on a thread for so long, this is the year to let go and start anew.   Don't expect it to be easy though because as you make that final push through the journey in anticipation of a numerological year 1 in 2017, you can expect to experience some stress, tension and conflict.  If you struggle to let go of what does not serve you, it could be a painful year filled with anxieties.  You might feel some exhaustion and perhaps be unfocused. That is why you are encouraged to keep an open mind and heart in 2016, and just be focused on healing, forgiveness,  re-energising and renewing yourself through contemplation and meditation.  Self care is so important, so remember to honour your energies and ensure that you take time out to care for yourself and keep a happy harmonious balance between the time and energy you invest in others and the time and energy you invest in yourself.

The numerological energy of a year 9 encourages you to "spring clean" your work space, your home, your Facebook Friend list, and even yourself. This is not the year to harbour any residual emotional resentment against those who had done you wrong in the past. Empty your heart off grudges and keep it clean from hurt, disappointments and unfulfilled expectations.  De-cluttering will help pave the way for  you to accept new experiences in the following year.

9 is also a number that inspires giving to humanity and supporting the community at large.  So in 2016, think about what you can do for your community, how can you add value to your community and how can you be of service that will benefit the greater good of people around you?

2016 Tarot Year Card - Hermit

In tandem with the numerological 9 influence in 2016, the tarot year card for the year is the Hermit, the ninth card in the Major Arcana in Tarot. The image on the Hermit card often depicts a cloaked man standing on top of a mountain holding a lamp.  The mountain represents the pinnacle of his achievement and growth.  The hermit has attained all that knowledge through his journey and is ready to light the path of everyone else by sharing his knowledge.   The Hermit encourages you to tap into your inner consciousness to reevaluate your goals, reassess your path towards it and make adjustments if you need to do so.  The card encourages you to find your inner light within you and use it to shine the path of others around you.  From your space of experience, skills and knowledge that you have attained, share your gifts with the world and support others with compassion and generosity.  If you need to spend some time in solitude, honour that need to have that space so that you can listen to your inner wisdom.

2016 urges you to think before you act. Leverage the lessons from the past year to approach the year ahead. Forgive those who have hurt or disappointed you. Don't take unnecessary risks unless you have evaluated all angles of an opportunity. Let go of anything that no longer serves you positively. Spend more time on your own to heal, recharge and renew.  Expect some stress and tension but it is not insurmountable if you manage it all with openness to differences and give it enough deliberation time. Finally, approach everything and everyone win a sense of compassion and generosity of spirit.

About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and an intuitive reader by accident who deploys the combined modalities of  Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant, Claircognitive and Clairsentient skills to deliver her readings with authenticity. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot.   As a member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), Joanna governs her practice under the associations’ respective codes of ethics.  She is currently mentoring fellow intuitives on the path of developing their intuitive potential and teaches Tarot and Numerology as well. 

 Instagram: @SunGoddessTarot

What Daddy Gave Me This Christmas

Missing Dad

Last week, I wrote a personal blog that described the immense loss I felt this Christmas, because it was my first Christmas without Dad.  The month leading up to the Christmas celebrations filled me with emptiness and depression as I felt that  a Christmas celebration, which should be a celebration that involved family and close friends coming together, just would not be complete without the presence of Dad.  I could not bring myself to get to the garden centre to pick out our Christmas tree.  Dad loved gawking at my colourful Christmas tree each year, and he adored the smell of fresh pine. If Dad was not by my side at Christmas this year, why bother with a tree?  I could not bring myself to go grocery shopping to prepare for our annual Christmas Eve dinner, so David took it upon himself to put the Christmas feast together.  We did get on with it and celebrated Christmas in our usual way, inviting our extended family over for our annual Christmas Eve dinner, but I could not help feeling an even deeper sense of loss. So I set aside a glass of red wine and a plate of chocolates for Dad the way I had set aside a glass of milk and a plate of cookies for Santa every year when I was a child, hoping that wherever he was in spirit, he could see that I was thinking about him.

A Dream

Spent from entertaining the family the night before, I spent my Christmas Day curled up in bed just wallowing in even more sadness and exhaustion. Just as I drifted off into deep sleep, I remembered seeing an image of myself in a dream, walking into an all-white living room. The floors, the walls and a sofa in thet room was all white in colour.  Just beside the sofa was a corridor to a bedroom perhaps, and in front of it was a big Christmas tree that looked so beautiful.  It had glittery baubles all over it and orange lights twinkling around it.   As I was about to touch the tree, I felt a gentle nudge on my right shoulder that woke me up.  I knew in that instant that that dream was delivering a message to me, perhaps from Dad. 

It took me an entire evening of discussions with David before I realised what Dad was really trying to tell me.   In fact, what got me nearer to the essence of the message was when David drew a picture of exactly what I had dreamt. 

A Message From Dad

Dad was telling me that how beautiful a Christmas tree can be, a home will be cold and empty, if the family was not there to fill it with warmth, love and laughter. Christmas was all about the family. Dad loved Christmas when he was alive, and he had always loved how I had decorated my Christmas tree.  Most of all, he enjoyed being surrounded by the family during Christmas.  He enjoyed watching the kids tinkering with the baubles and putting a hole in the Christmas decorations from time to time, and laughed at my youngest nephew attempting to tear open some of my presents under that tree.  With or without the tree, a Christmas without the family, was not Christmas at all.

So I started a conversation with Dad, using my Hanson Roberts Tarot deck.  I felt Dad's presence as he guided my hand to pick the cards.  I picked the World Reversed, the 4 of Wands, the 3 of Cups and the Sun.

These cards affirmed Dad's message to me.  He acknowledged that when he had passed on, because it was so sudden, there was lack of closure, and we all just could not move on. There were so many things left unsaid. I felt particularly so because I was so busy juggling work, running my business and training most days at the gym that my conversations with Dad was relegated to the Sundays when I visited him.  He was taken so suddenly from me that I had no time to say how much I loved him, how I wanted to take him to see the world on his wheelchair, and how much I wanted him to see Joel start his 2-year stint in national service. I just wanted more time with him.  However, Dad wanted me to just accept that his time was up but he wanted me to get on with life and embrace it with positivity.  He was happy to see that the family had come together to celebrate Christmas and he wanted to assure me that in spirit, he was amidst the din of the merry-making and did enjoy the atmosphere of family bonding, chatter and laughter at my home.  At the end of it all, he wanted me to just let my hair down and enjoy Christmas for what it stood for - the family.  

Dad's Gift To Me

So that was my gift from Dad.  He "passed on that baton" to me, to ensure that I would continue to keep the family close, and did everything to fill the home with love and laughter.  He promised to be behind me always, and in his way, he would carry me through the difficult times and fill it with as much sunshine as he could.  He promised to continue to hold my hand through it all, in the way he had always done when I was Daddy's little girl.  He nudged me on my right shoulder to wake me up from my slumber, as if to say, "It's your turn."

My dream was captured in this picture that David drew.
Beneath it were the cards Dad guided me to pick from my Hanson Roberts Tarot Deck

About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and an intuitive reader by accident who deploys the combined modalities of  Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant, Claircognitive and Clairsentient skills to deliver her readings with authenticity. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot.   As a member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), Joanna governs her practice under the associations’ respective codes of ethics.  She is currently mentoring fellow intuitives on the path of developing their intuitive potential and teaches Tarot and Numerology as well. 

 Instagram: @SunGoddessTarot

Friday, 30 October 2015

Getting To Know The Grandmother I Had Never Met

Blog Before      |                Master List              |                     Blog After

Whether you are celebrating Halloween, Hallows’ Eve, Samhain, Dia De Los Muertos or Day of the Dead, All Saints’ Day or All Souls’ Day (celebrated by Catholics on 31 October and 2 November respectively), the significance of the celebrations in spite of the cultural, racial or religious differences remained the same.  Celebrations at this time were  held to honor our ancestors and relatives who had passed on.  So members of the Tarot Blog Hop community were tasked to write about a loved one or someone we admired or disliked that ties with Tarot.  I chose to write about my paternal Grandmother whom I have never met but had built a close connection with in the past months as I honed my claircognitive and clairaudience skills within the field of my developing mediumship abilities.


My Paternal Grandmother

My Granny’s name was Tan Suat Ngoh.  It was a name I could hardly pronounce and I knew very little about her apart from the fact that she died very soon after Dad graduated from the University and was about to embark on his first job.  Dad loved her dearly and the only few nuggets of information he had shared about her was that she died quite suddenly the night after eating soup which might have gone bad and that she was a very dutiful wife who sat by the window every evening to wait for my Grandfather to come home after whiling his nights away perhaps at the dancehalls. 

With just these little snippets of information, she already embodied the stoicism, strength and patience that I felt I could learn so much from as a Granddaughter.
Her sense of duty to her husband in spite of suffering the extreme loneliness of what seemed like a loveless marriage was commendable.  Yet in my heart, I harbored so much disdain for my Grandfather up till today and wished secretly that my Grandmother was still alive so that I could hold her and tell her how much I loved her and how grateful I was to her for nurturing my Dad to be my biggest hero in my life.


My Conversation With Granny

So, with the help of my Hanson-Roberts Tarot deck, I decided to have a little conversation with her, to get to know her better during her lifetime and to find out what lessons she wanted to share with me as I walked my journey as her Granddaughter in this life.  And here’s what she told me:


Her Life In The Past -   9 of Pentacles Reversed + 3 of Cups + The High Priestess + The Empress

Granny’s marriage to my Grandfather was a match arranged in accordance to our strict Peranakan family traditions.  They were both cousins. All she ever wanted was a beautiful home, surrounded by a loving family, and be provided with emotional and financial security, like most young women of that time. She probably had most of these but something was in the way of that complete picture of security and contentment that she had originally envisaged.  As the 3 of Cups and the High Priestess indicated, the major cause of this obstacle, was the fact that she spent much of her married life in an unhappy marriage because my Grandfather indulged in extra marital affairs and was never quite present for the family.  In fact, there was another prominent woman in my Grandfather’s life with whom he spent a lot of time with. 3 people in a marriage, made for a very uncomfortable situation at home, yet Granny stoically stood by his side, bore him 5 children and waited patiently for him by the window every night.  She stuck to her responsibility of raising the kids, managing the household, and being a dutiful and giving wife, with no complaints.  What free time she had, she spent those with the kids or played a local card game called “Chek Kee” with the other womenfolk in the household. What the cards had unveiled, were aligned to the stories that my Aunt and my Mom had told me.  My Aunt said, “The saddest picture imprinted in my mind for life, is watching my mother seated by the window every night, with a blanket around her shoulders to keep warm, as she waited for my father to return from “work”.”

Another thing I had gleaned from her life, was her love for nature.  In spite of the “prison of an unhappy marriage”, she was actually a free-spirit at heart.  She channeled the Empress card, not only in the way she nurtured the family, surrounded the home with warmth and loved my Grandfather unconditionally, she also loved to be surrounded by nature and often took walks by the sea.  This was affirmed by her when she communicated to me and showed me that vision of her walking by a river.  My Aunt validated that vision when she told me that one of Granny’s favorite activities was to take a walk along the East Coast beach that was nearby their home in a little village called Geylang before the Singapore government reclaimed the land.


Lessons From Granny's Past To Guide My Present – Knight of Pentacles + The Sun

Granny was a very patient woman.  Her life was her kids.  Even when my Grandfather was not present for the family, she ensured that she gave the kids everything they deserved. She surrounded the home and herself with as much positivity as she could muster and often looked at the bright side of things.  The one thing she always had, was hope. She pinned her hopes on her kids, expecting that one day, when they all grow up, they could lead useful lives, adding value to the community.  She had hopes that one day, my Grandfather would turn around and realize that she was his one true love.   So Granny wanted me to take a leaf from this page of her book.  She wanted me to approach everything I did with positivity, patience and practicality no matter the hurdles thrown in my path.   To her, my success would be measured by the effort and commitment I put into achieving my goals. No matter the circumstances, regardless of the challenges that I faced, she wanted me to stay focused on what I had set my heart and mind to do and to know that in my life, only I would be accountable for the outcomes because of the choices I have made. 

Her best advice to me, was that my life journey will undoubtedly be dotted by many bumps, twists and turns along the road.  Instead of fearing these challenges, avoiding them, or feeling negative about them, I should embrace them with positivity and hope.  Every situation, gives me the opportunity to learn, grow and develop as a person as long as I keep at it, stay focused, and be committed to my goals.  When the currents get rough, I have the choice to jump off the ship, adjust the sails, or steer the ship against the currents, and only I am responsible for any of these choices that I have made. 


Contentment - 10 of Cups

Granny died quite suddenly after suffering a night of stomach ailment.  She died about a month after my Dad graduated from the University.  His graduation, as the eldest son of the family, was her proudest moment as much as it was his.  Dad promised to look after her and provide for her when he started work.  However, this promise could not be delivered because she had died before he was able to do so.  Dad often told us that he felt so much regret and remorse about not being able to give her much when she was alive.  He too felt a lot of resentment for his late father, for not giving her the love she deserved. 

My Dad passed away in April this year.  Deep down in my heart, I know that he is in a happier place and by his mother’s side.  However, I needed validation and proceeded to pull another card asking Granny if Dad was with her at the moment. Guess what showed up?  It was the 10 of Cups.  “Enough said,” I whispered silently, “I am so happy that the family is now together and they are all now at peace.  One day, I will take my place by your side, Granny, so that you can tell me even more stories.”


Granny Is Always By My Side - Queen of Cups

As I thanked my Granny for being present and having that conversation with me, I pulled a last card to validate my relationship with her.  I picked the Queen of Cups and knew immediately how much she truly loved me.  Granny is one of my main guides who had been with me since I was young.  I know now because I have been talking to her more regularly as I developed my mediumship skills.  When I doubted my intuitive capabilities, I was shown a vision of a woman with another girl by her side.  When that woman pointed a finger in circular motion around her tummy to my question about how she had passed on, I shared that vision with my Aunt and my Mum who validated that she had died of a stomach ailment.  I asked my Aunt who that girl was by my Granny’s side that looked like she was a generation younger.  My Aunt affirmed that that was her sister.  My Granny had a daughter who died after accidentally falling off a tree when she was quite young. 

I did not need anymore validation.  My Granny was that maternal presence I had always felt around me since I was young.  She had been protecting me whenever I was about to fall into a pothole.  She held my hand whenever I was feeling down and lost.  She patted me on my back whenever I needed a bit of encouragement to take a little leap of faith.   

She was my Queen of Cups, my confidante and my mentor.  How privileged I felt to have a Granny sitting on the other side of the rainbow, watching over me.


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About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and an intuitive reader by accident who deploys the combined modalities of  Tarot, Numerology and Astrology overlaid with her Clairvoyant, Claircognitive and Clairsentient skills to deliver her readings with authenticity. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist.  She is currently running a consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot.   As a member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), Joanna governs her practice under the associations’ respective codes of ethics.  She is currently mentoring fellow intuitives on the path of developing their intuitive potential and teaches Tarot and Numerology as well.

 Instagram: @SunGoddessTarot